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      =ADK= Discord Link   04/24/2017

      Come join us in =ADK= Discord To download the Discord app go here: https://discordapp.com/   Discord is going to have a small learning curve over teamspeak so be prepared, but the fellow members as well as the Admins will gladly help you if you have any issues with installing or using the app. Once you have Discord installed all that's left to do is click the button below.   Welcome to the future of the =ADK= Community.   Click Here To Join! 
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About this blog

A girl's guide to having absolutely no idea what you're doing.

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Nostalgia is a Bitch

*Warning, Debbie Downer post. If you're having a good day, don't read this.*



Today I took the time to scroll through my old Twitter feed. I found a lot of memories of a person I fondly remember, someone I wish I was, someone I want to talk to.


Who is that person? Me.


The problem is, I'm a member of a gaming community. We call each other family and get to know each other, but always on the basis of fun. "Don't ruin the fun," is the unsaid stipulation. We're friends, but to what extent? For an overwhelming majority of nerds, (me being a self acclaimed one, calm yourself) we make a vast majority of friends online.


Research says you completely change personalities every five years or so. Ask yourself, do you like who you are? Or would you like to change? I personally could never decide, I liked that I had a strong sense of morals, but I wanted to change my social skills. I liked that I was stubborn and could aim in video games worth a darn, but I wanted to be more well known. In short, I wanted to be myself, and I wanted to be anyone else.


I recently took a half year disappearance from my old online social life. As I was closing the door, I phrased it as "real life is kicking me in the butt. And then I made my getaway to fight my nemesis of six years, medial depression and paranoia. Now, gradually coming back and reading through the old things I wrote, I find myself missing my dedication and belief in the right thing no matter what. I wish I still had the pure spite to write some of the things I used to.



Do you like who you are? Or would you like to change?


When do we lose our childlike innocent kindness? When do we lose the desire to do good? When do we gain the ability to write inspirational quotes, and when do we decide that the opinion of that certain one individual doesn't actually matter to you?



Really, truly ask yourself-


Do you like who you are?


Or would you like to change?



-then dedicate.


Recently I stepped down from my position as the Planetside 2 Outfit Leader. It's been an odd experience to say the least.


I started playing with =ADK= back in the spring of 2013, but didn't end up dedicating and applying for membership till August or so of that year. From the moment I joined the community I was always involved up to my head in something. My initial adminship was with the Minecraft community, which was a lot different back then.


I have a lot of different conflicting personalities, but one of them is being a go-getter. I see something that I feel needs done or changed and usually decide to take it into my own hands. Thus being said, I was not only involved with the community, but consistently extremely busy. I've also never known a time in ADK without drama. There's always something to deal with, someone who's acting out, a circumstance that's gotten out of hand, etc. You're more aware of your surroundings when you're an admin.


Once I came to Planetside I became a member of the Officer Corp, which is oddly different that other adminship positions elsewhere in ADK. There's a long, drawn out ranking system and you depend on the other Officers to teach you basically everything. Long story short I skipped quite a few ranks and became one of the section leaders, at which point I asked the current PS2 section leader to completely drown me in paperwork. During this time PS2 also went under a complete reworking. Drama happened, I took over. My fellow section leaders, you will understand the weight that comes with keeping your game in balance.



TL:DR- I've always been involved with something in ADK.



So what happens when suddenly everything just stops?



It feels weird to suddenly not be a part of any of the gaming sections in a gaming community. It's a completely conflicting feeling, not being sure if you miss the work that comes with being an admin. I was discussing with some friends this evening about perhaps becoming more involved with a gaming section, but the issue that comes from being an antisocial pessimist is that I prefer to play games while listening to music rather than listening to twenty people scream and yell.


The world tells you that games and the Internet shouldn't matter. It takes personal experience to relate, just as you can't truly sympathize with someone without understanding yourself. Whatever you invest your time in becomes something that you care about, whether it's sports, family, or gaming. Most people game to relax, but there's more than one way to go about it. Some gamers prefer to be just that- gamers with no real responsibility or accountability. Then there's the people who find enjoyment in running the stage and making other people's gaming experiences worthwhile. One is not better than the other either.


I frankly loved admining. For those of us who enjoy shouldering responsibility, it is a wonderful experience. Real life however has the unfortunate reality of kicking you in the butt all too often. It's frankly relieving to not have to worry about members or play time or drama or recruiting or the numbers anymore, but at the same time it's a package that I greatly miss.


Around a year ago I wrote a long, sarcastic, and aggressive post about all the things I was sick of encountering in the online gaming environments. Other than that I have never been one to mention more than the occasional:

"Your gender is not a contributing factor."

Overall, it's not something I talk about. It's not something I ever really want to talk about. A few months ago I gave a fleeting thought to writing something about #GamerGate but quickly decided against it.

Here's the issue.

Situation #1

Me: I'm going to talk about women in video games

Public's Response: You damn attention whore.

Situation #2

Me: Hey guys mind if I talk about the women in video games debate?

Public's Response: No, we're sick of hearing about it.

Situation #3

Me: I'm going to write a long thought out post about the issue of women in video games

Public's Response: Stop being such a feminist.

Situation #4

Me: Uh, not to step on the fun but these jokes about women being raped aren't very funny....

Public's Response: Omg y u no more tolerant.

Situation #5

Me: *Posts completely non-provocative and boobless picture as profile pic*

Public's Response: Rate 1-10 would you fuck?

Situation #6

Me: Idk if really like this girl, she's a bit of an attention whore

Public's Response: Wow you're just jealous.

Situation #7

Me: *Speaks up about shitty things happening*

Public's Response: Stop bitching and deal with it.

Situation #8

Me: Guys there's this dude who's being kind of rude-

Public's Response: Wut.


So my official stance in the midst of hundreds of blogs and topics, Gamer Gate, #1reasontobe, etc etc.

As always, the whole thing is over dramacized and explosive. The world population is half and half (specifically speaking, Guys 48% and gals 52%). There are both in the world. Get over it. Just as it shouldn't matter if you're black or white, saying you're a girl or guy online shouldn't matter. It should not be a contributing factor to ANYTHING. I'm not saying that you can't ever mention it, I'm saying that there shouldn't BE any drama over any of it because NONE of it matters. No feminists saying that the Internet is a toxic environment hostile to women, no guys targeting female developers because of something they posted on Twitter, no women streaming in nothing but a pikachu bra just to get views, no guys making posts about how women ruin video games. Once you're on the Internet, there is no age, no skin color, and no gender.

Raising awareness for mistreatment isn't a bad thing at all. Just watch that you're supporting something for the right reasons. Gamer Gate turned from gamers being mad about a rumor of some dev sleeping with journalists, to an excuse for every feminist in existence to protest about the Internet.

Maybe, just maybe, if we'd stop petitioning for equality so much then equality could actually exist.

People just love being toxic, don't they?


(Anyone who wants to threaten me after reading this post, please drop by for a visit so I can show you exactly how many fucks I don't give.)


Where is Planetside headed? How many times now has it been a pinch away from flat lining and come back? Honestly, it's exhausting. One moment people are telling you your game is dying and encouraging you to jump ship, the next they're giving you event ideas and asking how you do it. So many people on the SOE PS2 Dev Team have left, what exactly is going on behind the scenes? It's so disheartening to see some of the longstanding Outfits throw up their hands in defeat.

What do you do when your forty year olds are acting like 4 year olds? Do you walk away and not give them attention, or do you slap them on the wrist and tell them no? What position are you even in to tell a forty year old no? Thank God this is the internet.

I have no idea what happens in those channels sometimes. I walk in and hear something about someone's grandmother making meth, or worse, hear the fatal words from Tootsie, "I'm eating sugar." I'm also apparently gossiped about constantly. I should drop some lies and see which one gets around >:)

They call us a brighter, more forgiving, younger, and easier version of Battlefield. Battlefield however, doesn't have to deal with trying to shoot your enemy in the face while your frame rate is -10 from the 200 players running around trying to shoot enemies of their own in the faces. That's one thing about this game that keeps me coming back. There's small fights and large fights, and then larger fights, no match timers, no boundaries, and plethora's of unique bases. People always ask me, what keeps me interested in the game? I think too many times players expect just the game to keep them interested. That might sound like a captain obvious quote, but often times people look at a game like, "Ok, I did this, next thing," and treat it like a checklist that once they reach the end of, the game becomes boring. What I'd like to see more of is , "Ok, I did this, now how can I do it in a more interesting/battle friendly way while other people do this?" You have to entertain yourself while being entertained. People without imaginations are intolerable.

How long are we going to last? Well, people told us to abandon ship in March, and we're still here :)


Lately I went on an expedition of sorts to find myself a suitable Planetside stat signature. However, upon viewing the first one I was horrified. I knew I had a terrible KD, I knew my SPM didn't look so hot either, and I knew several other unpleasant aspects of my poor NC character profile that had undergone severe mistreatment. From multiple flights with suicide kamikaze pilots, playing chicken with enemy tanks one too many times, parachuting without a parachute, dying to revive others, and sacrificing my vehicles in massive and bloody crashes (My Sunder has been deemed the suicide sunder) my KD is now struggling at a sad looking .3

Viewing all that information in one place was simply too much. So I set off to find a signature that focused on the things I was good at, ie revive ribbons and Head Shot Ratio. However, nothing of the sort was to be found. Anywhere. Either the signature creator skipped any valid information whatsoever, or it featured boldly my several thousand deaths, miserable accuracy as an infantry Medic, and the unfortunate amount of days I've spent in Planetside.

Down to the point, why should K/D matter so much? It's something comparable that any Gamer who claims higher than 2 can boast about, but really, is it all that matters in an FPS? My current job in Planetside allows me to interact and run with other outfits. Several extremely important things I've taken away from it so far is that what really matters on the battlefield is not how many people you can drop before they kill you, but how well you listen, how well you communicate, how well you can adapt to a situation, and how well you work in a team setting. Those 8 kills mean shit if your Commanding Officer told you to be in the opposite building.

When I first started playing Planetside 2, my policy was that I would be completely fine being killed over and over again as long as I could revive as many people as possible in my place. If I was a terrible shot, why not put the people back in play who can actually make a wave in the enemy lines? Thus, my KD suffered. A lot. Meaning .00043 for the first month I played. 0_o My first 4 kills were completely by accident as well.

For us support classes, KD is like a derogatory insult to us. We revive, hand out ammo, repair suits and vehicles, often we're the ones in the driver's seat taking the soldiers to the front lines. While our Kills as opposed to Deaths suffer, so does the enemy.

Those of you who play support like me, Medic, Engineer, Bus Driver for all I care, stand loud and proud for those KDs. You are a witness to the resilience of your faction/side. You are willing each and every day to take the hit for your troops. So never let a high scoreboard player look at your KD and put you down. You're what keeps them moving.




Everyone's Crazy!

Have any of you ever noticed the "Oh, I have that!" syndrome?

For instance, everyone will claim to have ADHD or ADD or Dyslexia these days. Literally. Everyone. Apparently it's cool to have a serious medical condition?

Dude #1: Dude, you were totally not paying attention in class today.

Dude #2: Yeah, ADHD and shit.

Dude #1: So how late did you stay up last night playing COD Ghost?

Dude #2: What are you talking about man? I have insomnia, I haven't even slept yet.

Gal #1: Wait wait, go back, you read that word wrong.

Gal #2: Oh yeah, I did. Haha, I totally have Dyslexia.

Gal #1: Or maybe you should just put your glasses on.

Gal #2: Can't. I lost them. Short term memory.


There's a point of ridiculousness with the entire idea that ends up sounding like some half ass excuse. We've started passing our own accountability (or stupidity) off to a condition that makes people with the actual condition to a serious degree less credible. I'm not even going to touch on things like depression and allergies. I grew up in a home where every family member has been diagnosed with something serious. Watching their explanations being scoffed at because the public has heard it one too many times is incredibly sad.

Welcome to the Land of the Depressed and the Home of the "Oh look a squirrel!"

Just another one of my thought provokers.


Scheduled Lives

I've tried to explain myself to multiple people lately about how I tend to go insane without constant projects/work to work on. I usually just pass it off as how I am, but if you think about it, there is a finite reason behind needing something you can control in your daily life.

Think about your weekly schedule. Think about the activities you have every certain weekday at a certain time that you've had for a long time now. Sure, those activities can be extremely fun, but in and out, a week is like a big circle to me.

Basically, my schedule goes:

Sunday: Church

Monday: School, Babysitting

Tuesday: School, Karate

Wednesday: School, Study Group, Karate

Thursday: School, Karate, Youth Group

Friday: School, Babysitting

Saturday: Whatever I feel like.

I've had this schedule for nearly 7 years now. Every week brings about new things, but have you ever had the feeling that you're on a treadmill when it comes to your week? That however active you are, you're really not going anywhere? That's how I feel a lot of the time, and it is why I constantly look for the "because I can," moments in life. I find those as precious decisions in my otherwise completely vanilla week. It is also why I tend to have small meltdowns whenever I haven't had a decent, hair ripping, stressing project in a while. :P

Our lives are basically scheduled in a big, square box for us. Everywhere we go, everything we do, it creates another box for us. If you sign up for a class on Tuesday afternoons, if completely erases that time for anything else. When you decide to live in Maine, you make it hard for yourself to reach the west side of America. These aren't bad things by any means, just an example of what I mean by us creating boxed schedules for ourselves. We hop into our routines, stay well within our comfort zones, and settle down into predictable weeks.

And that is why I like this picture so much. It doesn't need words because we think up the meaning ourselves.



Christmas Traditions

With the Media and stores trying to snow Christmas on us the day after Thanksgiving, it's got me thinking about all the things my family does around Christmas time. Everyone's got to have those traditions, even if you come from a non-excitable family or even if Christmas isn't happy for you.

Traditions change over the years, for the good or bad, through generations, and I think that's what makes them so cool.

For instance, The tree always goes up on the first weekend of December. Every year. My family used to go tree shopping together every year, but my dad got sick of all the work put into the thing and mom got sick of constantly finding pine needles tracked around the house, so we just have a sad, way too green and live looking plastic tree now.

Decorating the tree has slowly fallen from the entire family doing it on one excitable night when my older brothers were like, 10 and 14, to years later, with just me decorating the tree the past couple years. The loneliness is balanced out by me getting to put everything where I want it and spacing the ornaments in exact distance from each other without anyone throwing a fit.

Family movies we watch every year include A Christmas Story, A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Elf, and the Nativity on Christmas Eve.

Mom and I make Christmas yummies to send to extended family. Plum Balls, Sugar Cookies with snowflake sugar on top, Leibcucin (German I think), Pecan Toffee, and cut out cookies. The years my oldest brother comes home for Christmas, he makes this one recipe of Chex Mix that is to die for. He once put it in a can and then labeled the can "Sex in a can." (I know, unnecessary info, but it was funny enough.)

My parents never let my brothers or I believe in Santa. We were totally the kids who broke it to the other kids on the playground that Santa was a lie. I don't think I'm telling my kids he exists either. I mean honestly, "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake."


My parents would even put everything out on Christmas Eve while us kids were still awake and running around the house in the frenzy of our sugared up Christmas joy.

Christmas shopping was never as orderly as my mother tried to make it. I think she wanted to do one or two big shopping trips and have done with it, but somehow, that never worked. For instance, last year, twelve shopping trips into december, my idiotic second oldest brother was to be seen dashing out on Christmas Eve. The silly :P

Most Memorable Moments of Christmas Past:

My Dad reading my brothers and I the Christmas Story before bed on Christmas Eve.

My first snow after I moved to America, (I remember a lot of things from when I was little) and the snow was over my head. My Brother dropped me and lost me for a second.

My brothers and I going down the toboggans near us.

Coming in from a neighborhood snowball fight and my mother waiting with a smile and hot chocolate.

Anyways guys, what are your traditions and memories?


After marriage proposal number 30 tonight, I thought I'd be appropriate to make a manual about girl gamers just to clear some things up.


1. Attention Whores

Yes, it's common knowledge. There are the girls out there who post multiple selfies a day and have to make it common knowledge that they're a hot, single girl.

There are, however, such things as us girls who facepalm as much as the next guy when we run into attention whores.

Many of us just want to play a game with other people, and have the unfortunate problem that 95% of the gaming world is populated by men.

Still think we're all just out there for the attention? Explain the girls who don't speak at all to avoid being gender labeled or threaten to kick your ass the second you piss them off.

2. Get back in the kitchen

Seriously. We've heard it all. The sexist jokes, the awkward noises, and everything else you think makes you more a man.

Thinking it's cool to tell a girl to get back in the kitchen is like asking why the chicken crossed the road. Everyone's sick of hearing it and your respect points drop noticeably.

Piss off and make your own damn sandwich.

3. So we like Mario Kart more than BF4. U Mad Bro?

Apparently things like Mario Kart and Animal Crossing don't qualify as games anymore?

Seriously, you don't have to make that awful scoff of a noise when we mention anything Nintendo related. I'm so sure that you've never played a single game in your entire life besides that FPS you're playing right now. If we live our gaming life differently, so be it. We are as much a gamer as you.

4. Personal space and personal info

We want to play video games with you, not adopt you. You don't have to friend us on Facebook or ask for our numbers, real names, and addresses. Chances are, you won't get them. Ever.

Or if you do, it's most likely a slut who's given it out to three hundred other guys.

Want to see a picture of us? Get your head out of your ass first.

5. Stop thinking it's cool to ask about vaginas


Can you imagine what we deal with on a daily basis.

The second we speak in a game we're spammed with friend requests.

We generally have a minimum of three stalkers at a time.

All guys in the vicinity flip a shit and try to act manly.

No, we're not a squeaker. Please shut up and stop asking.

Stop asking us to go out with you. We're not interested.

And finally, trying to make things awkward by asking about sex, boobs, or tampons with generally result in either you never seeing that girl ever again, or you getting your ass handed to you by said girl.


Take this to heart please. That's all I ask.



This is a blog.

It's supposed to be amusing, or informative.

It's supposed to display my thought process to my readers.

Some people blog about their pets. Some people blog about themselves. Some people blog about their day, or their hobbies, or that book they read last week that was quite simply, terrible but even so you should read it because who are they to judge?

This is a blog.

So I shall tell you about myself.

For instance, right at this moment, I just glanced down at a torn out magazine page displaying a kids craft of a small owl created from oreos and frosting, and most likely designed by someone who has never attempted to cook with kids before.

I am also eating yogurt. Strawberry yogurt, to be bluntly obvious. Its light pink tint reminds me of a foreign mold I learned about in Biology.

I just looked outside. My circle of a mind is both wondering why there's so much snow and why I can still type while looking out the window and thinking of above mentioned snow.

There's a bandaid on the desk. A Whinnie the Pooh bandaid. Whinne the Pooh is awesome.

The fingers that are typing this host bright pink nails. Why did I let my friend convince me to let her paint my nails bright pink? The color reminds me of a flamingo soaking in bleach.

The clock ticks behind me. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. It's 1PM, the clock strikes it's bell. Ding.

As the soft hmmmmmmm of the computer next to me continues, I remind myself.

This is a blog.


The Little Things.

There are a lot of little things in life that make up who we are. These are special things, particular to only us and our own code.

Some of these special characteristics you may not even notice, so I'd like to take a moment to draw attention to some important codes in our lives and enjoy them. Or question them. For instance;

-Sorting the M&Ms and Skittles by color and eating your least favorite colors first. (Brown and purple of course, are inferior.)

-Mooing at cows. (This is an important code in our lives, it shows our ability to adapt and accept.)

-Turning the pillow over and over. And over. And over.

-Browsing the fridge and pantry back and forth when looking for a snack, as if something new will appear each time you return.

-That feeling of adrenaline you get every time you hear a message notification sound

-Closely observing your nails because you have nothing to add to a conversation

-Eating the head of an animal/human shaped snack first. (It's simply putting the poor thing out of misery.)

-Unconsciously judging the person in front of you at the store by what items are in their shopping cart.

-Pretending your hand is jumping over trees and buildings as you drive past them. (This truly never gets old.)

Life is short. Enjoy the little things.



Chocolate Frosting

So the other night I was handed a tube of chocolate frosting and it provoked some thoughts.

Firstly, the frosting was compliments of a game my friends and I were playing. Close to hot potato, a bag full of random edible objects is passed around and if you're stuck with the bag, you have to blindly reach in, select an item, and consume it in front of everyone.

This game was "created" (most likely Googled) by my friend Daniel. Currently all my friends are upset at him, because most of us got sick off some of the crap in that bag. My problem was probably that upon further inspection, the tube of chocolate frosting I was forced to consume was dated 2009. Nevertheless, the twisted hot potato game made me think.

What constitutes as a game? Is it simply anything you find fun? (Like torturing your friends?) In that case, would tapping your fingers on your desk when you become too bored in school to pay attention count as a game? How complicated does it have to be?

Perhaps a game is simply anything you turn into it. In Mary Poppins, Mary teaches the children how to turn cleaning into a game, so I suppose free child labor counts as fun which counts as a game.

So, in short, could you basically turn ANYTHING into a game?

BTW, for those of you who are curious about the hot potato game, only play it with someone you trust not to give you food poisoning. After consuming close to ten spoonfuls of the frosting, I dashed off to the bathroom to toss some cookies.



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